#23 A Gentleman's Rhyming Duel

Dear Sir, you've been nothing but obnoxious all evening
And normally, naturally, I'd just be enquiring as to the time of your leaving
But this time I feel special discipline must be enforced
Why are you raising your fists? Ah, you're not cultured, of course. 

Forgive my ignorance of one so uncouth
I'll be generous and put it down to the frivolities of youth
No, dear Sir, when we battle, we battles with rules
So let me explain what's happens in Gentleman's Rhyming Duels.

I know you're a scallywag and a young up-starter
But you must still learn of it, it's our poetic Magna Carta
So lest you invest to test yourself against the best but before you end in destitution
Let me unveil the lines of our constitution

Rule 1: There is to be no physical blows or contact
Only with words may your opponent be attacked

Rule 2: You may not insult an opponent's romantic relation
That line used to say wife, but in the future we don't use that connotation

Related rule 3: It's never an insult to call your opponent gay
You're a gentleman, boy, we're learnéd that way

Rule 4: You must speak in clearly pronounced rhymes
No slanting or mumbling for that is cheating and a crime

Rule 5: Be intelligent in the way that you insult
No baseless jabs or insinuating an untrue fault

Rule 6: When you're disposing of your opponents smart arse
Be dressed well and proper, show him your class

Rule 7: Only battle if the occasion genuinely requires
But if it does you step up and turn that sir back down to a squire

Rule 8: No rhymes aimed below the waistband
Rhyme face to face don't go for the cummerbund

Rule 9: Don't think wistfully of rhymes you could have done
If the duel is over you accept the result and move gracefully on

Rule 10: Be a gentleman in defeat but also be a gentleman as the victor
I've so some men celebrate so great you could measure it with Richter.

See most fellows can't actually follow how we do
We battle at too high a level, do me and you

They've phased in and out, they've tried a little to follow
But seeing gentleman battle, well it's a tough act to swallow
If at the end of it all, you shake my hand
You emerge a tattered but better man

But now you've learnt the game, do you still wish to play?
I assure you I've been duelling since back in the day
And while I play with grace, I play to destroy
So next time think twice before you cross me, boy.